Someone waved a wand and poof – we’re down to eight teams. From 40 squads to these remaining contenders, getting here is quite an impressive feat.

Here is the updated playoff bracket. Please ignore the arbitrary numbers next to the names. These matchups are based on last week’s bracket.

Keeping with last week, we will eulogize the six teams who tipped their caps to us.

Beginning with myself, this matchup went about as piss-poor as one could expect. And, you know what, I’m taking it on the chin. This was a poorly managed team for the whole season. The owner (me) was distracted all season long. The media attention that the Koroks get was clearly getting to the team too. And when game day rolled around, no one except for Lamar and Tee did their job. You guys are cool. Everyone else? Not so much. Kelce is a part-time player now. Waddle limped off after doing nothing. Jauan tried his best in a rock fight. Monty is injured for the rest of the season. And my favorite player in the whole NFL, Derrick Henry did the bare minimum to score me points. And all of this in a loss to my Divisional rival – Freakofnature who just crushed me with historic performances from Adams, Chase, and the rest. Sigh.

My co-commissioner fared much better, despite a loss. Don’t get it twisted though, both of these teams were the lowest-scoring squads on the slate this week. Matthew’s team was given a Monday Night Hail Mary with Keenan’s vintage 6-82-1 box score, but this 20-point lift couldn’t buoy the fact that Gus Edwards, Allgeier, Ray-Ray McCloud, and Alec Pierce together couldn’t score 10 points. I’d wager to say that Scrantonicty 6 was robbed, but that would ignore the fact that this was a lineup pieced together without morning game contributors. On the other hand, we now get to see what Matt and the F-14s can do when given a shot at the next round.

Dez Still Caught It returns to slumber as well. To peel back the curtain, this was an empty roster going into SNF when I texted Miller that he was in the playoffs… He had assumed he was previously eliminated. Even then, he had six worthwhile teams from which to piece a roster: Falcons, Seahawks, Raiders, Bears, Packers, and the Vikings. Who could’ve predicted, though, that the Monday Night doubleheader would have been the unwatchable catastrophe it ended up being? This best effort slotted him 12 points shy of round 2 against a roster that was heliocentrically rotating around the maelstrom of Amon-Ra’s 37-point showoff. Jacobs scored 21 points too I guess. Riley Read had to be sweating bullets though as disappointing performance after the next got put in the books. 0 from Kupp; 6.7 from Tractorcito; 4.9 from Deebo; JUST FOUR POINTS FROM PURDY! Lucky break for the Options or a calculated victory? Tune in next week to find out!

In the second-highest-scoring win of the week, yourkillinmewillis hung a 30-point hat on the co-led H-O-T-T-O-DEEBO, sending them looking for their next espresso. For most of the season, DEEBO has employed the curious strategy of drip-feeding their lineup on a need-to-know basis into the website. No, silly little Big League you’ll get the rest of our lineup when we say so. Whatever the rationale for that, it landed them the Boston Cream crown and a chance to tilt for the big one. Who knew that they’d get just plain bodied by willis‘ big-boy roster? Only Kraft scored fewer than 10 points with over half of the roster scoring 20+ points. I have to say it was good to see our inaugural runner-up come back into playoff relevance, even if it was only one round. At least they lost to a nutty lineup like this one.

I try not to play favorites, but The Saginasty Lannisters were my Cinderella story, turned top seed to follow. For those that don’t know Ian and the Lannisters are in Med School. He’s a doctor. We all have busy lives, sure. But how many of us are actively engaging with the most demanding academic experience while doing Big League (for what it’s worth Big League is kinda like the Med School of Fantasy Sports)? Ian played last year with not much to show for it, but this year he buckled up, used the site tools, and put together an honest-to-God juggernaut squad. Unlucky for him, Pay Day Gray is red hot after clinching clutch win after necessary victory time after time. While the good Doctor’s roster was experiencing arrhythmia – I mean, an uneven roster – he was given stabilizers — I mean, stabilizing scores — from LaPorta and the Minny Kicker to keep this a competitive game. The same fate that befell my team contaminated the Lannisters‘ white blood cells and Waddle had to be quarantined until further tests could be performed. However, I believe Ian’s loss was handed to him on Thursday night, with the pitiful outing from Matthew Stafford. If Stafford had only been able to connect with a measly one touchdown, it’s likely if not certain that Ian wins. At least that’s the only time that Matthew Stafford has been directly involved in crushing Ian’s hopes and dreams, right?

Last but most certainly not least, we turn our attention to the heavyweight bout between the Packers and Jalen. Perhaps previewing an NFC Championship, this Packers fan and this Eagles fan just slugged each other across the face for the entire football weekend. Jake and the Green Bowls boasted to me that he had players ready to go. Remember, everyone, this is his first time in Big League, and he did the thing we all try to do – save the good players. The only thing is that Jake is good at Fantasy. He marched an impressive season-long campaign to get here. And what can you say, he did what he promised. Lamar, Bijan, Mixon, JJ, Zay, Mike HOF Evans, McBride, and the Ravens against the pathetic Giants. This lineup wins. This lineup is just unbeatable. Oh wait, is that OTHER JAKE’S MUSIC I HEAR? Yep, you guessed it, folks. This was a Jake-off. Jake from Chicago vs Jake from LA. Jake’s Jalen woke up on Sunday well-rested and late. Scrambling to assemble a lineup, Chicago Jake played the keys the only way he knew how: play the hits. Unsurprisingly, Josh Allen annihilated the competition; Gibbs and St. Brown went nuclear in the same matchup; and most painfully for LA Jake is that the savvy picks of McBride and Evans were neutralized. Who’s Nailin’ Jalen? scored the most points this week and sent my sleeper-favorite pick home.

Stay tuned, the #1 & #2 seeds come back and they’re rested. Best of luck to all the teams and have a great week.