Hi all – I present the return of the write-ups for the advent of the playoffs.
Even though there wasn’t a league-wide readership on the write-ups, I still felt some guilt that I couldn’t make a weekly blog post about the site and these 40 members. In any case, let’s kick it off. For now, we’ll eschew the normal categories and just go over the week!
With MNF in the rearview mirror, the dust has settled on the fight for the postseason and we can officially see the Playoff Picture:
The full bracket comes as a surprise to me and I imagine to you too. To go through some quick hits:
Welcome to the playoffs, willis, Lannisters, Richer Son, Riley Read, and your two co-commissioners Scrantonicity 6 & the Koroks. This will be all of our first attempts to make a splash on the big stage.
Welcome BACK to the playoffs, DEEBO, Jalen, Gray, and F-14s who return triumphantly after a few years’ absence from our postseason.
Of course, as expected, your seats are warm, Freak, Endzone, and Dez, the perennial contenders to take home the bacon.
And saving best for last, welcome to Big League – the first-year player Green Bowl Packers.
Now, we get to bid adieu to the almosts, the what-happened’s, the couldda’-sworn’s.
Violence, Up!!!, Alpha Females, Bob, and, of course, Skid Marks were all serious contenders this year with some having time-shares in the top 14 and some coming in and out like absentee parents. This marks Marks’ first season in Cancun, having been a #1 seed two different times and always winning his division. Violence & Up!!! likely already made room on their shelves for a trophy the way their seasons were shaping up. For Violence, he was a victim of a late-stretch resurgence in the aptly named Glazed division. Both Anthony’s Richer Son & your killin me willis seemingly rose from a coma, “Wake up babe, you can take the division if you try.” Up!!! on the other hand, was trying to keep a wobbly table from toppling his house of cards for a few months now. Despite piecing together some decisive wins in the back half of the season, a developing rivalry with Pay Day Gray resulted in that fateful Western saying, “This Division ain’t big enough for the two of us“. Despite all of the drama, Riley Read took the 3rd seed ahead of the two jokers. Skid Marks, for their money, simply fell victim to some bad luck. Typically in tight contention for the highest points scorer, Marks fell to #17 in total points and was on the wrong side of many close calls.
The end of the regular season means we can also wave farewell to the teams that have already cleaned their locker rooms, ended their leases, and changed their phone numbers for something with a Vietnamese area code. Big League veteran, Rob & the Pizzas finished the season with a just statistically unlikely 1-13 record, winning none of his Divisional matchups, and barely crossing the 1,000-point threshold. I have no clue what happened to Rob this season, but I do thank him for submitting rosters every week. Will we see you next year? I hope so!
Speaking of people who may not join next year, jacksons team ends his Big League debut with a 4-10 record, but he will be remembered as this year’s phantom team. Three of those losses came from not showing up. Pretty sad. With text reminders, the new randomizer button, and increased website support, no other word describes the apathy demonstrated by lowercase J, no apostrophe jacksons team than ‘disappointment’. However, the league pot has grown due to this carefree tact, so in a way, the league thanks you.
Somehow, last year’s champion hancocky bastards has spiraled to the very dwindling bottom of the standings. I won’t claim to have watched the hyper-competitive Strawberry Division with fervor, but I don’t think Andie was always fighting against last place. However it happened, though, she sees herself go from several hundred richer a year ago to -$30 now.
I’ll end my eulogizing with Bad at This. Buddy, how does this keep happening! The rest of the league may shift dramatically up or down each season, but one thing remains constant: Matloff can’t escape last place in his division. Maybe he’s a coach that needs a new change of scenery. Maybe he needs a year in the media. Maybe relieve playcalling duties. I don’t know. I’m always rooting for the dude, because he always tries and never submits an empty, but Jesus H. Christo this guy couldn’t spell victory if a Scrabble board barfed on him. Next year? Next year.
Now we talk brass tacks. I haven’t ran all the numbers, but the pot will increase across the board with the five or so empty lineups that were fined.
In any case, Division winners get their money back (+ some). Those would be:
1 Sprinkles / Endzone Jones / 10-4 / 1,772.86 points
2 Glazed / Anthony’s Richer Son / 9-5 / 1,806.60 points
3 Donut Hole ./ Riley Read Option/ 9-5 / 1,677.54 points
4 Strawberry / Tyrannosaurs in F-14s / 9-5/ 1,640.84 points
5 Chocolate / Freakofnature / 8-6 / 1,759.32 points
6 Cinnamon Sugar / The Saginasty Lannisters / 8-6 / 1,711.94 points
7 Boston Cream / H-O-T-T-O-DEEBO / 8-6 / 1,648.88 points
8 Jelly Filled / Who’s Nailin’ Jalen? / 8-6 / 1,511.06 points
Overall top scorer for the regular season will get $125 (+some). This year that would be Anthony’s Richer Son who knocked Endzone Jones out of the top spot.
In about a month’s time we will crown a winner and those final teams will be paid thusly (+ some of course):
3rd place: $75
2nd place: $200
1st place: $500
Hopefully, this isn’t news to anyone, but you will not be able to re-use players. We are simply moving onward with whatcha’ got!
I’ll withhold sappiness for later when it’s all done, but it’s been a good season so far. Let’s keep it going into January. Best of luck to me and no one else 🙂
