We’re really getting down to it. Half the teams are gone. However, enter stage left, End Zone Jones & Scrantonicity 5. These two heavy hitters have been sitting in the wings, licking their wounds and giving their teams pep talks! Boa sorte to those teams still vying for the crown! Interesting note, all previous runners-up and winners have officially been eliminated. We will have a new titleholder this year. Exciting stuff!
Housekeeping:
- Payouts have been set for the regular season awards. The six division winners will receive their money back ($30). The regular season points scorer (Skid Marks) will receive $100. The remaining payouts are as follows: 3rd place – $75, 2nd place – $200, 1st place – $400.
- The 13 fines collected amount to $195. I have received two of these fines in my Venmo account so far (Adam Schefter’s Sources has paid one of his three fines. And thank you Kingpins.) I will re-list them below. If you see your name please reach out to me to discuss or Venmo me the $15 @Turner-Manley.
- The fines will be redistributed like this: division winners will receive an additional $10. Points title will receive an additional $35. Third, second, and first place will receive the following bonuses: $15, $25, and $60.
- Lastly, reminder that I’ll be watching out for rosters as the games cascade (there are again Saturday games).
1 fine: Justing Setting Lineups, Gamecocks, Just the tip Jefferson, Southport Skegs, Scorebox Munchers
2 fines: Adam Schefter’s Sources
4 fines: team Web
Highest Scorer: Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy (150.52 points)
When Logan joined last year, he came in like a moose on fire. This year? He just poured more gasoline on the beast. He can boast being the division winner in one of the most competitive divisions this league has ever seen. He was just ~110 points shy of the points title. And he just snuffed the torch of the first-year runner-up with a massive buck fifty total. This roster was mostly constructed by Les Snead, John Schneider, and John Lynch. The NFC West came to play this week! Beyond an electric Kyren Williams, a pair of 7’s from the Rams’ DST & kicker, the always stellar Deebo, and a solid DK Metcalf, the Academy plucked rookies Jayden Reed and Sam LaPorta from the NFC North and they showed out! Sam LaPorta is vying for the #1 overall tight end spot next year and Logan couldn’t have picked a better time to play him. This was his second-best weekly performance beating out his week thirteen 29 points. But let’s not ignore Jayden Reed’s excellent 17.2 points. Even Zeke’s middling 9.6 points couldn’t sink this titanic roster. How much roster ammo does Logan have left? We’ll have to see. This week he’ll take on fellow division winner Saquon and I anticipate a dogfight. Best of luck. Let’s see some fireworks.
Biggest Blowout: Skid Marks vs skol! go yikes (33.12 points)
This “blowout” is more nominal than a true curb-stomping as Skid Marks defeated the always-competitive skol! go yikes. Sarah’s 110.66 points fell right on the faultline of average points this week, seeing as she would’ve beaten four other teams. However, Skid Marks would’ve only lost to one other team. If you had shown me both lineups pre-game, I would’ve picked skol’s 10/10 times. Yet as fate would have it, Skid Marks collection of mostly B-listers made for a powerful punch. The theme of this lineup is “New Kid on the Block”. Between the Puk-splosion this season, a Ky-renaissance, a Pur-fect game from Brock, and a Rashee nice performance, there are plenty of new faces that we have to welcome to the Fantasy family. However, the headline (and the difference maker in this game) indisputably was the play of the Raiders defense. As an Oakland Vegas fan, himself, Brian trusted his silver and black. In Crosby we trust. The Raiders surprised and scored an astonishing 25 points to vault Skid Marks into a lead that he never looked back from. skol! has been a contender every year since we began, but has always been the bridesmaid, falling out of the playoffs in the first round each year. Maybe next year will be her time to shine. We’ll see.
Closest Matchup: Saquon Deez Nuts vs Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S (10.7 points)
This is on the larger end of our closest matches but when there are only six bouts, pickings get slim. This matchup, though, features some of the classic Closest Matchup elements. Swift and Zeke essentially canceled out. DK and TJ made for a wash. Pickens and Engram made for another wideout/tight-end point matching. Even the star power of Kupp & Deebo were just a few points within each other. Both Elliott and Lutz kicked in five. Oh, and they both played Super Bowl champion Matthew Stafford. Sadly, the loss for Woman is identifiable from a mile away. The play of Najee Harris isn’t an outright bad idea. He’s 14th in the league on carries and is (at worst) in a split backfield of an improving offense. Alas, Harris ran for a sputtering 12-33. Wanna make it even worse? His long of 15 accounts for ~half of his yards. Take that out and he averaged 0.61 yards per carry! Grrrrrrross! I’ll make it even worse. The Colts are the 20th-best rushing defense allowing 127.4 yards per game. No reason that Najee couldn’t have exploited a weak game. Even worse? The Colts have allowed a league-high 20 rushing touchdowns over the season. Pain. That is all. Pain.
Biggest Find: Jaxon Smith-Njigba (14.8 points)
Coming into MNF, Love Me Sexy & The Hens both had a Seahawk receiver to play. It was a true Mexican standoff – trusty vet vs sexy rookie. Lockett recorded 9 targets, doubling JSN’s four targets. However, Lockett only caught a third of those for whimpering 21 total yards. Smith-Njigba, meanwhile, hauled in each of his targets, and crucially one of those was for a score! This point disparity was not actually the difference-maker in this divisional rematch, but it sure feels that way. When you’re in elimination mode, every catch makes an impact and every touchdown may mean victory. Andie was the only team to roster JSN and I want to reward this. While everyone else wasted Justin Jefferson, Ja’Marr Chase, or AJ Brown for roughly 10 or so points, she found a diamond in the Seattle rough. And decisions like those are why she’s advancing for another week en route to the $400 grand prize.
Biggest Bust: Derrick Henry (5 points)
I am in shambles. Derrick Henry won my football heart years ago with that 99-yard touchdown against the Jaguars in 2018. Since then he has accumulated two rushing titles, became the eighth player to eclipse 2,000 rushing yards, and won the 2020 OPOY award. The King. Tractorcito. I could sing the praises for days. He also possesses such a cool poise and confidence. When he stiff-arms someone, it’s done with necessity and sleekness. But this past week, Derrick was given the ball 16 times and managed just nine net yards. Against the Texans too! For context, he averages 115 yards against the self-described Texans. Apparently, that’s the 4th highest yards per game by one player against a single team ALL TIME. This is one of the most historically dominant matchups EVER. I’ll make matters even more bleak. Henry’s long was six yards. Just eighteen feet. Eighteen feet, by the way, is about the distance if you walked around a small tractor. Anyway, if we remove his longest run it means that he went ran for 3 yards on 15 attempts. Let’s break that down. That’s 0.2 yards on average. In simpler terms, that’s 7 inches every time he touched the ball, when we take out his ‘longest’ carry of six yards. What has the world come to?
Playoff Matchups for Week 16:
End Zone Jones (#1) v Drew Crew (#11)
Scrantonicity 5 (#2) v The Hens (#9)
Skid Marks (#3) v She Sucks My Boswell (#7)
Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy (#4) v Saquon Deez Nuts (#5)
