words of wisdom:
“Tag removed. Boiler down, go ‘Cats”
–Jerry West’s Office Window
Another week is in the books, and the write-up is mostly on time for the first time in about a month. Let’s roll! Only four weeks left to make a push here, everyone!
Highest Scorer: Just the tip Jefferson (155.46 points)
In a potentially very important divisional matchup, Daniel’s tips bested Flom’s Cochainz in a 40-point routing. This is the platonic ideal of a Big League lineup. Just the tip Jefferson employed three big names for the main lineup, and went bargain-hunting for the rest. Dak Prescott, again, tops the fantasy QB weekly rankings with an eye-popping 404-yard & four touchdown tour de dominance against a wilting Giants team. The other huge point-scorer this week came in the form of light – I mean, Amon-Ra St. Brown the Sun God, himself. Nabbing eight of nine catches 156 yards and a tuddy is just pure bliss in a league format like this that rewards points per reception. Tyler Boyd looked like a rejuvenated version of himself catching eight balls for over 100 yards, with an excellent long of 64 yards. And of course, Daniel gorged himself on touchdowns with Dell, Ferguson, and 2013 6th-round draft pick Latavious Murray all scoring in the end zone. Yes, indeed, the fantasy gods smiled upon this roster. Call it luck of the draw or the schematics of a genius, it matters not. In a season where you only have five divisional games, Just the tip Jefferson notched one up for himself. Oh yeah, and he did it all during Derrick Henry’s 24-yard outing.
Biggest Blowout: skol! go yikes vs She Sucks My Boswell (48.38 points)
Barely edging out the previously described matchup for this award, Sarah and the yikes had themselves a statement win over the looming championship threat, She Sucks My Boswell. Both teams are patiently biding their time in second place in the division for their opportunity to snatch the division title away from Endzone and Scrantonicity 5 but in the interim, they’ll have to settle to faceoff against one another. Back to the matter at hand, these matchups don’t appear to be ingredients on the recipe card for a 50-point blowout, but the more careful eye will see two specific moves that invited blowout potential. 1) With everything on the line for Kenneth and his team, he made one of the cardinal sins in all of fantasy football: he played someone on the Injured Reserve. Damien Harris hasn’t played since the 2nd quarter of week 6. Truly, what was Boswell thinking here? Was this a typo? An indefensible roster mishap that was exploited by Sarah’s move. 2) This move being to play Keenan Allen against the Lions in a sure-thing-shootout. I think everyone’s eyes saw dollar bills like slot machines when they saw this matchup on the schedule. Keenan Allen is on track to shatter his career highs in every category. Among his 10 illustrious years in the NFL, this season has already eclipsed four seasons in terms of catches and yards, and he’s already only two touchdowns away from tying his record. His stat line on Sunday: 11-175-2. Just monster numbers. We may be in the golden era of receiving because all I hear about is Tyreek, AJ Brown, and Lamb. But let’s put some respect on Keenan Allen’s name. Sarah sure did and got her a loud W.
Closest Matchup: Jerry West’s Office Window vs Love Me Sexy (0.72 points)
I imagine Matt wished he had an office window to throw something out of. Yet another massively important divisional game occurred, this time in the Luigi division, and it was decided by no points at all. Sometimes I can analyze this category and find the negative plays that would have changed the outcome. Sometimes it’s the neutralized players that both teams independently opted to roster. Sometimes it shockingly comes down to a nail-biting Monday Night Football outcome. This matchup, however, tells the tale of the most common reason for life’s woes: the caprice of randomness. There’s no reason why DeAndre Hopkins or Calvin Ridley couldn’t have one more stinking catch or gone for a few yards extra. There’s no reasonable explanation for why Jonnu Smith didn’t get a dialed-up play to run him for extra distance or an end-zone look. This matchup, in my eyes, was the pure embodiment of gathering the dice in a canister, giving it a shake, and hoping for a Yahtzee! This matchup was excruciatingly close right until it was over, with Jerry Jeudy’s 3rd and final catch of the night at the top of the 4th quarter. If Matt and the Windows had pulled out a win, this would’ve evened both his record and Sexy’s to match at 5-5. And Matt’s point total would’ve yanked him ahead. Alas, Matt now sits at the bottom of the division, undoubtedly formulating a plan to rise to the tip-top!
Biggest Find: Latavius Murray (14.9 points)
If you search on ESPN for “Murray” unsurprisingly, Latavius is not the first selection. That’s Mr. Xbox, himself, Kyler Murray. The next two are high-level NBA players, Dejounte and Jamal Murray. Ok, that makes sense. Surely, he’s next? No, he’s not fourth, fifth, or even in the top-10 Murray’s that ESPN will show you. He’s number 13! He’s two Murray’s ahead of DeMarco Murray who has been out of the NFL since 2018! Among running backs over 30 years old with over 50 carries, there are two. Raheem Mostert and Latavius Murray. He didn’t record some outlandish game on Monday Night against the Broncos, but the mere fact that his game was fantasy-relevant whatsoever is astonishing. The 33-year-old produced half-decent numbers with 9 attempts going for 68 yards and a touchdown. Who knows why the now-fired Offensive Coordinator Ken Dorsey called a red zone play just for the senior citizen, but he did. Only Just the tip Jefferson played Murray and I imagine it was a desperation move with expectations of five points or fewer. Instead, Jefferson can hang his hat on the 15-point prongs of a good gridiron day. What a find!
Biggest Bust: Tony Pollard (5.5 points)
Even though only one team lost with Tony Pollard in the lineup, Pollard has earned this award and then some. I’ve personally watched this stat only grow over the last few weeks, but Pollard has a league-high 151 consecutive touches without a touchdown this year! The last time he got into the end zone was over two months ago! Aaron Rodgers still had both his ACLs intact! That’s how long it’s been. Just about half the league has used Pollard since his two-touchdown game in week 1 and I can’t say that any team has been over the moon to have played him. Consider Scrantonicity 5‘s play of Pollard this week. Pollard mustered 5.5 points over the course of 15 carries and 0 catches. In a game where the ‘Boys beat up on the Giants again in a 49-17 thrashing, Scrantonicity 5 should’ve expected 20 points easily! 20 points would’ve given them a win and put them squarely in first place in the overall standings. This cherry-picked example is probably the instance where the needle moves the most, but I’m certain that Pollard has affected other teams in similar ways. One of these days he’ll score again, right? Right?
Weekly Oddity:
- Several teams have barely secured their spot ahead of one another in the overall standings. For instance: Love Me Sexy secured the last playoff spot with 1060.52 points. AR5 Fan Club, meanwhile, touts 1060.50 points.
- For the second week in his young Big League history, team Web has won with an all-MNF lineup. Sigh.
- With my loss, I have officially hit rock bottom. I am 36th/36th in the overall standings. I have submitted what I’ve considered competitive lineups week in and week out. Meanwhile, your other commissioner is now in a dead heat to secure the 1 seed. What a world we live in.
Playoff Watch:
Reminder that the top 14 teams make the playoffs!
- End Zone Jones (8-2)
- Scrantonicity 5 (8-2)
- The Hens (7-3)
- Skid Marks (6-4)
- Freak of Nature (6-4)
- Saquon Deez Nuts (6-4)
- She Sucks My Boswell (7-3)
- Drew Crew (7-3)
- skol! go yikes (7-3)
- Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S (6-4)
- Southport Skegs (6-4)
- CobbSlobbers (6-4)
- The Good Guys (6-4)
- Love Me Sexy (6-4)
- AR5 Fan Club (6-4)
- Gamecocks (6-4)
- Lannisters (5-5)
- The Realest (5-5)
- Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy (5-5)
- Kingpins Of Crime (5-5)
- Scorebox Munchers (5-5)
- Krusty Krab Pizzas (5-5)
- Kirk Cochainz (5-5)
- Jalen “oh god yes it” Hurts (5-5)
- Titan Your Butthole (4-6)
- Jerry West’s Office Window (4-6)
- Dez Still Caught It (4-6)
- lansing leopards (4-6)
- Just the tip Jefferson (3-7)
- Bob Barker’s House of Pain (3-7)
- Just Setting Lineups So I Don’t Get Fined (3-7)
- Adam Schefter’s Sources (3-7)
- Pay Day Gray (2-8)
- Waller? Hardly Know Her (2-8)
- team Web (2-8)
- The Funks (1-9)
