‘Twas the night before kickoff, when all through the league
No members stirred, resting draft fatigue
The lineups were set on the website with care
With hopes that touchdowns would soon be there
The teams were snug in their arenas, so vast;
With visions of Lombardis that would not be their last
Even Matthew and I settled for good
Having tinkered and worked as all commish’s should
When out of my laptop there arose such a sight,
A specter foretelling, inspiring fright!
From my pixels, he screamed “BEWARE DELFATION”
Roger Goodell’s ghost warned our nation.
Goodell stepped out my screen, and stretched his legs
“Can’t make a football omelet, without football eggs.
“Here co-commish, I’ll give some advice
“For your league to flourish, you must treat them nice.
“No collusion, no cheating, no gang-up-and-beating
“But study, research, and go on leading”
What a generous man he must be as bleating
When I noticed that his wallet was beating
“Let the Cowboys soar, while the Giants lay;
“Eagles may win once the Commanders pay
“Niners mine gold on a Ram’s shoulder
“And Seahawks bear the Cardinals’ boulder
“A Titan is huge and so are the Texans
“But Colts and Jags don’t deserve erections
“The Browns and The Bengals blur in Ohio
“But Ravens and Steelers belong in a silo
“The Jets, The Bills, The Pats, they match
“Throw in the Dolphins, they go in the trash
“O’ Holy Saints and your dear Buccaneers
“Panthers and Falcons share your tears
“Can the Vikings succeed? Can the Bears?
“While, the Lions call the Packers squares.”
Goodell pauses here and looks and chuckles
“C’mon now, Commish, you know now to buckle
“There’s only one team who can’t be beat
“They’ll bring in profits, a maximum feat
“Yes, it’s the Chiefs who’ll remain supreme
“Rivaling any of Brady’s Patriots’ team
“On Chargers, on Raiders, on Broncos, again
“On playoffs, and rivalries, and bragging rights end.
“This is NFL money I claim to cough
“And I say to one and all, please F*** off
And like that he vanished into night
Leaving me wondering, wrong or right?
Was the league doomed to one Kansas City?
Or could we be home to many and many.
I resolved right there to make this a home
To those that would make this their bones:
In skill, in grit, in effort, and time
That history might sometimes rhyme.
This Big League’s a big league and we’re glad you’re here
To ring in a kickoff, a brand new year.
