2023-24 Week 1

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Position Drew Crew Points Pay Day Gray Points
QB Geno Smith - SEA 9.08 Kirk Cousins - MIN 16.46
RB Derrick Henry - TEN 13.9 James Conner - ARI 12
RB Aaron Jones - GB 26.7 Raheem Mostert - MIA 13
WR Tyler Lockett - SEA 3 Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Terry McLaurin - WAS 5.1
WR Jahan Dotson - WAS 9 Van Jefferson - LAR 6.4
TE T.J. Hockenson - MIN 11.5 Isaiah Likely - BAL 1.4
K Justin Tucker - BAL 5 Cameron Dicker - LAC 12
D Washington Commanders 12 Baltimore Ravens 12
Total 103.38 80.26
Winner Drew Crew
Position Southport Skegs Points Waller? Hardly Know Her Points
QB Trevor Lawrence - JAX 17.74 Jared Goff - DET 14.02
RB Najee Harris - PIT 5.3 Cam Akers - MIN 8.9
RB James Cook - BUF 10.3 Antonio Gibson - WAS 0.9
WR A.J. Brown - PHI 14.9 Marquez Valdes-Scantling - KC 6.8
WR Deebo Samuel - SF 11.3 Parris Campbell - NYG 1.2
WR Mike Williams - LAC 8.5 Marvin Jones Jr. - DET 0.8
TE Cole Kmet - CHI 9.4 Logan Thomas - WAS 8.3
K Cairo Santos - CHI 7 Brandon Aubrey - DAL 10
D Green Bay Packers 14 Jacksonville Jaguars 13
Total 98.44 63.92
Winner Southport Skegs
Position Gamecocks Points The Funks Points
QB Lamar Jackson - BAL 6.56 Desmond Ridder - ATL 8.9
RB Aaron Jones - GB 26.7 AJ Dillon - GB 5.6
RB Jamaal Williams - NO 7.2 Raheem Mostert - MIA 13
WR Tyler Lockett - SEA 3 Keenan Allen - LAC 14.2
WR Van Jefferson - LAR 6.4 Gabe Davis - BUF 5.2
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Adam Thielen - CAR 3.2
TE Cole Kmet - CHI 9.4 Isaiah Likely - BAL 1.4
K Younghoe Koo - ATL 7 Harrison Butker - KC 8
D Washington Commanders 12 Atlanta Falcons 13
Total 91.46 72.5
Winner Gamecocks
Position Lannisters Points Krusty Krab Pizzas Points
QB Trevor Lawrence - JAX 17.74 Aaron Rodgers - NYJ 0
RB Derrick Henry - TEN 13.9 Joe Mixon - CIN 10.3
RB Aaron Jones - GB 26.7 Miles Sanders - CAR 11.8
WR A.J. Brown - PHI 14.9 CeeDee Lamb - DAL 11.7
WR Randall Cobb - NYJ 0 Robert Woods - HOU 11.7
WR Matthew Slater - NE 0 Kendrick Bourne - NE 24.4
TE Travis Kelce - KC 0 Pat Freiermuth - PIT 7.3
K Younghoe Koo - ATL 7 Ka'imi Fairbairn - HOU 9
D Baltimore Ravens 12 Arizona Cardinals 20
Total 92.24 106.2
Winner Krusty Krab Pizzas
Position Kingpins Of Crime Points Skid Marks Points
QB Desmond Ridder - ATL 8.9 Sam Howell - WAS 15.18
RB Brian Robinson - WAS 13.6 Tony Pollard - DAL 22.2
RB De'Von Achane - MIA 0 Brian Robinson - WAS 13.6
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 CeeDee Lamb - DAL 11.7
WR George Pickens - PIT 8.6 Zay Jones - JAX 16.5
WR Amari Cooper - CLE 6.7 Drake London - ATL 0
TE Juwan Johnson - NO 6.6 Evan Engram - JAX 9.9
K Nick Folk - TEN 18 Younghoe Koo - ATL 7
D Jacksonville Jaguars 13 Washington Commanders 12
Total 88.6 108.08
Winner Skid Marks
Position Adam Schefter's Sources Points skol! go yikes Points
QB Geno Smith - SEA 9.08 Justin Herbert - LAC 20.86
RB Raheem Mostert - MIA 13 Travis Etienne Jr. - JAX 21.4
RB Deon Jackson - IND 3.8 Antonio Gibson - WAS 0.9
WR Zay Flowers - BAL 17.7 Garrett Wilson - NYJ 14.4
WR JuJu Smith-Schuster - NE 7.3 Drake London - ATL 0
WR Gabe Davis - BUF 5.2 Jayden Reed - GB 6.6
TE Tyler Higbee - LAR 7.9 Sam LaPorta - DET 8.9
K Cairo Santos - CHI 7 Harrison Butker - KC 8
D Jacksonville Jaguars 13 Atlanta Falcons 13
Total 83.98 94.06
Winner skol! go yikes
Position Just Setting Lineups So I Don't Get Fined Points CobbSlobbers Points
QB Lamar Jackson - BAL 6.56 Kirk Cousins - MIN 16.46
RB Raheem Mostert - MIA 13 Cam Akers - MIN 8.9
RB Alexander Mattison - MIN 13.4 Alexander Mattison - MIN 13.4
WR Chris Olave - NO 19.2 Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Michael Thomas - NO 11.1
WR Jakobi Meyers - LV 29.1 Darnell Mooney - CHI 15.3
TE Tyler Higbee - LAR 7.9 Luke Musgrave - GB 8
K Greg Joseph - MIN 5 Brandon McManus - JAX 8
D Atlanta Falcons 13 Minnesota Vikings 3
Total 120.36 86.06
Winner Just Setting Lineups So I Don't Get Fined
Position Dez Still Caught It Points The Hens Points
QB Geno Smith - SEA 9.08 Justin Herbert - LAC 20.86
RB Raheem Mostert - MIA 13 Aaron Jones - GB 26.7
RB Brian Robinson - WAS 13.6 Miles Sanders - CAR 11.8
WR Tyler Lockett - SEA 3 Garrett Wilson - NYJ 14.4
WR Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9 Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2
WR Van Jefferson - LAR 6.4 Marvin Mims Jr. - DEN 2.9
TE Gerald Everett - LAC 4.3 Dallas Goedert - PHI 0
K Cameron Dicker - LAC 12 Wil Lutz - DEN 4
D Washington Commanders 12 Seattle Seahawks -2
Total 75.28 91.86
Winner The Hens
Position lansing leopards Points team Web Points
QB Jared Goff - DET 14.02 Geno Smith - SEA 9.08
RB J.K. Dobbins - BAL 11.7 Bijan Robinson - ATL 20.3
RB Cam Akers - MIN 8.9 Ezekiel Elliott - NE 7.3
WR Keenan Allen - LAC 14.2 Adam Thielen - CAR 3.2
WR Calvin Ridley - JAX 24.1 Amari Cooper - CLE 6.7
WR DJ Moore - CHI 4.5 Brandin Cooks - DAL 4.2
TE Austin Hooper - LV 3 Andrew Ogletree - IND 3
K Justin Tucker - BAL 5 Graham Gano - NYG 0
D Washington Commanders 12 Chicago Bears 0
Total 97.42 53.78
Winner lansing leopards
Position Bob Barker's House of Pain Points AR5 Fan Club Points
QB Kirk Cousins - MIN 16.46 Baker Mayfield - TB 16.02
RB Jamaal Williams - NO 7.2 Deon Jackson - IND 3.8
RB Miles Sanders - CAR 11.8 Raheem Mostert - MIA 13
WR Tyler Boyd - CIN 3 Zay Jones - JAX 16.5
WR Odell Beckham Jr. - BAL 5.7 DJ Chark Jr. - CAR 0
WR Curtis Samuel - WAS 11 Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2
TE Chigoziem Okonkwo - TEN 0 Kylen Granson - IND 7.9
K Jason Sanders - MIA 14 Joey Slye - WAS 8
D Washington Commanders 12 Washington Commanders 12
Total 81.16 90.42
Winner AR5 Fan Club
Position The Score-Box Munchers Points Freakofnature Points
QB Tua Tagovailoa - MIA 27.14 Lamar Jackson - BAL 6.56
RB Khalil Herbert - CHI 11.4 Travis Etienne Jr. - JAX 21.4
RB Rhamondre Stevenson - NE 14.9 Rachaad White - TB 6.9
WR DK Metcalf - SEA 13.7 Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9
WR Tyreek Hill - MIA 44.5 Keenan Allen - LAC 14.2
WR Tyler Lockett - SEA 3 Brandin Cooks - DAL 4.2
TE Mike Gesicki - NE 6.6 Juwan Johnson - NO 6.6
K Jason Sanders - MIA 14 Brandon McManus - JAX 8
D New England Patriots 7 Washington Commanders 12
Total 142.24 81.76
Winner The Score-Box Munchers
Position Just the tip Jefferson Points Love Me Sexy Points
QB Joe Burrow - CIN 3.18 Geno Smith - SEA 9.08
RB Aaron Jones - GB 26.7 Alexander Mattison - MIN 13.4
RB D'Andre Swift - PHI 1.3 Jamaal Williams - NO 7.2
WR Terry McLaurin - WAS 5.1 Romeo Doubs - GB 18.6
WR Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9 Allen Lazard - NYJ 6.6
WR Drake London - ATL 0 Darius Slayton - NYG 4.5
TE Evan Engram - JAX 9.9 Noah Gray - KC 6.1
K Eddy Pineiro - CAR 5 Jason Myers - SEA 8
D Washington Commanders 12 Green Bay Packers 14
Total 65.08 87.48
Winner Love Me Sexy
Position She Sucks My Boswell Points Jalen "oh god yes it" Hurts Points
QB Lamar Jackson - BAL 6.56 Jared Goff - DET 14.02
RB Brian Robinson - WAS 13.6 Deon Jackson - IND 3.8
RB Derrick Henry - TEN 13.9 Jamaal Williams - NO 7.2
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Kadarius Toney - KC 1
WR Amon-Ra St. Brown - DET 19.1 Ben Skowronek - LAR 0
WR Mike Williams - LAC 8.5 Mecole Hardman Jr. - NYJ 0
TE Hayden Hurst - CAR 15.1 Noah Gray - KC 6.1
K Jason Sanders - MIA 14 Eddy Pineiro - CAR 5
D Washington Commanders 12 Atlanta Falcons 13
Total 115.96 50.12
Winner She Sucks My Boswell
Position Scrantonicity 5 Points The Realest Points
QB Russell Wilson - DEN 15.18 Justin Fields - CHI 14.54
RB Rashaad Penny - PHI 0 Kenneth Walker III - SEA 10.7
RB Najee Harris - PIT 5.3 Austin Ekeler - LAC 26.4
WR Jaylen Waddle - MIA 11.8 DK Metcalf - SEA 13.7
WR Deebo Samuel - SF 11.3 Chris Olave - NO 19.2
WR Terry McLaurin - WAS 5.1 Davante Adams - LV 12.6
TE Isaiah Likely - BAL 1.4 Kyle Pitts - ATL 6.4
K Graham Gano - NYG 0 Jason Myers - SEA 8
D Baltimore Ravens 12 Baltimore Ravens 12
Total 62.08 123.54
Winner The Realest
Position Kirk Cochainz Points Jerry West’s Office Window Points
QB Sam Howell - WAS 15.18 Trevor Lawrence - JAX 17.74
RB Rachaad White - TB 6.9 Jahmyr Gibbs - DET 8
RB Khalil Herbert - CHI 11.4 Jamaal Williams - NO 7.2
WR Skyy Moore - KC 0.4 Amon-Ra St. Brown - DET 19.1
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Christian Kirk - JAX 1.9
WR Jayden Reed - GB 6.6 Skyy Moore - KC 0.4
TE Hayden Hurst - CAR 15.1 Dallas Goedert - PHI 0
K Joey Slye - WAS 8 Greg Zuerlein - NYJ 11
D Washington Commanders 12 Washington Commanders 12
Total 88.78 77.34
Winner Kirk Cochainz
Position Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S Points The Good Guys Points
QB Justin Fields - CHI 14.54 Trevor Lawrence - JAX 17.74
RB Bijan Robinson - ATL 20.3 Aaron Jones - GB 26.7
RB Raheem Mostert - MIA 13 Brian Robinson - WAS 13.6
WR Calvin Ridley - JAX 24.1 Drake London - ATL 0
WR Puka Nacua - LAR 21.9 Rashod Bateman - BAL 6.5
WR Brandin Cooks - DAL 4.2 Zay Jones - JAX 16.5
TE Isaiah Likely - BAL 1.4 Juwan Johnson - NO 6.6
K Younghoe Koo - ATL 7 Cameron Dicker - LAC 12
D Washington Commanders 12 Washington Commanders 12
Total 118.44 111.64
Winner Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S
Position Titan Your Butthole Points Endzone Jones Points
QB Geno Smith - SEA 9.08 Justin Herbert - LAC 20.86
RB Miles Sanders - CAR 11.8 Aaron Jones - GB 26.7
RB Antonio Gibson - WAS 0.9 Cam Akers - MIN 8.9
WR Curtis Samuel - WAS 11 Chris Godwin - TB 10.1
WR Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2 Chris Olave - NO 19.2
WR Chris Olave - NO 19.2 Ja'Marr Chase - CIN 9.1
TE Jake Ferguson - DAL 3.1 Juwan Johnson - NO 6.6
K Brandon McManus - JAX 8 Justin Tucker - BAL 5
D Green Bay Packers 14 Philadelphia Eagles 11
Total 90.28 117.46
Winner Endzone Jones
Position Saquon Deez Nutz Points Billy Hoyle's Big Bounce Academy Points
QB Jared Goff - DET 14.02 Sam Howell - WAS 15.18
RB Raheem Mostert - MIA 13 J.K. Dobbins - BAL 11.7
RB Joe Mixon - CIN 10.3 Isiah Pacheco - KC 9.4
WR Drake London - ATL 0 Tyler Lockett - SEA 3
WR Adam Thielen - CAR 3.2 Courtland Sutton - DEN 13.2
WR Amon-Ra St. Brown - DET 19.1 Skyy Moore - KC 0.4
TE Tyler Higbee - LAR 7.9 Juwan Johnson - NO 6.6
K Wil Lutz - DEN 4 Tyler Bass - BUF 13
D Jacksonville Jaguars 13 Minnesota Vikings 3
Total 84.52 75.48
Winner Saquon Deez Nutz