Happy Thursday to all!
This serves as your reminder to play any Cards or Saints for tonight’s TNF game.
IMPORTANT: After a few weeks of several empty lineups, I’ve been requested to implement penalties in order to ensure commensurate competition. Please respond to me if you feel compelled to support, oppose, or modify what I am proposing. Anyways:
From this week forward, an empty roster will incur -100 points on their total points for a first offense. A second offense will incur an automatic loss in addition to a subtracted win. A third offense will incur -1 win, -200 points, and +1 loss. Hopefully, we won’t need to go beyond a third offense.
Additionally, this has been an unwritten rule, but while we’re clarifying things it bares mentioning to say that until a selected player has started a game, you have free reign to change that selected roster slot. For instance, if you have a player for MNF and it turns out they’re injured, you can swap them for a player who has not yet started. As always, please let me know if you have any questions. My number is 270-799-7170 or you can email me directly.
Anyways, here’s the recap – enjoy.
Highest Scorer:
Dirty Mike and the Boys (134.92): Let’s all give a round of applause to Mr. Mike and his Boys, no matter how dirty they are. Austin’s team notched their first win of the season in a divisional rivalry against Knapper’s crew. Not only did this squad save themselves from being the last undefeated team, but they managed to somehow total the most points out of the 32 of us. Now, I’ll be the first to say that 135 isn’t necessarily a monumental feat. But that’s not Dirty Mike’s fault! Scoring is actually down in the NFL. In the year of COVID 2020, the league averaged 24.8. Last year, 23 even. This year? A measly 21.6. While these are small numbers overall, think about that if it was your stock portfolio. Perhaps defenses are better or perhaps offenses are weaker. Nonetheless, Austin was able to ride the coattails of Ja’Marr Chase while savvily selecting Deon Jackson and Mike Gesicki who gave him over 50 points alone. This was an overall budget roster that could benefit the Boys in the long run. Best to you, pal.
Biggest Blowout
Pay Day Gray vs Bob Barker’s House of Pain (66.26): Cue the trumpet sounds. Garret returns once again to the write-up in strong standings. I hope Gray has some Icy-Hot because Bob Barker laid down a flying elbow. The craziest thing? He didn’t even really expend crazy player potential! The highest caliber athlete he used was Rhamondre who will likely enter a time-share soon enough. In any case, Pay Day Gray paid the pied piper and rostered two duds and three 4-pointers. If this were cornhole (or bags for the Mid-Westerners), Gray would do great! But this is Fantasy Football and that simply won’t cut it. What compelled him to select Carson Wentz as his starting QB will be left to the historians to debate, but the disappointment of Koo will go down as an all-time tragedy. Garret stands atop the division with a win but has a nigh unbeatable division record. Not to mention his near 200-point lead on everyone else, the Rottweiler division better beef up if they have any hope!
Honorable mentions: Anyone who beat an empty roster
Closest Match:
The Score-Box Munchers vs LeBron James is a Bitch (2.08): Yeah, I’m not above repeating a trope: pain. Pain is all that can be said. In a week where scoring was way way down, these two teams put up very respectable teen-hundreds. If I told you that one team rostered CMC, Deebo, Alvin Kamara, and the GOAT Justin Tucker, and the other team rostered four Seahawks, who would you say won? Well, you can likely predict the answer. The homer himself, the Muncher said ‘play what you know’ and bet on the house, the 12th man. Chewy even won 4 of the head-to-head roster matchups but couldn’t muster anything to win. The death knell truly was the donut that Dalton the Doctor Schultz put up. One catch, two catch, three catch win. That is the story of LeBron again.
Biggest Bust
Nicholas Chubb (8 points): The man. The beast. The unstoppable force. The driving locomotive of the Cleveland Unmentionables. The powerhouse who has ~250 rushing yards more than Derrick Henry. The pair of legs that strikes fear into Defensive Coordinators. The leader in all of these categories: rushing touchdowns (7), rushes for 20+ yards (also 7) and rushes for 1st down (29). The man who cannot be beat went 12-56 and 1-14 through the air. Whomp whomp. When you’re playing the Chubbenator you expect dominance and total gridiron manhandling. Simply put, Belichick said ‘no’. Three teams put down the Brown RB and three teams lost. Eight points might honestly be the low point this season for the odds-favorite for the rushing title. You just have to smack yourself and move on if you made this pivot.
Best Find
Deon Jackson (28.1): I consider myself a pretty in-touch fantasy manager. I listen to podcasts and follow the news. Somehow Deon Jackson totally eclipsed my radar. The man balled out. Three teams played him and all the teams won (except Kenneth, sorry). He only recorded 42 rushing yards, but Matty Ice did what he does best and checked down. The 3rd string RB recorded 10 catches for 79 yards! The dude didn’t even score! He didn’t need to. When you have this kind of pipeline-to-points that Jackson had on Sunday you have a huge thing coming. What may be worst about this for the dumb managers who didn’t plug him in is that he limped off with an injury, and JTT may be back alongside pass-catching extraordinaire Hines. The moment may have been as brief as Linsanity and we’re all worse for it.
Weekly Oddity
No real oddities here except that I was 0.1 away from scoring an even Benjamin.
New segment!!
PLAYOFF WATCH:
- Joc
- Skid Marks
- Good Guys
- Two Girls
- Inches
- why
- Bob Barker
- Ghost
- Freak
- Mills
- Munchers
- Kingpins
- Moose
- End Zone
That’s it! Have a great rest of your week and I hope you enjoyed the write-up.
