Highest Scorer:
She Sucks My Boswell (149.76): Winning only means so much. And to the Boswells, it appears that winning does not mean a whole lot. Sitting at a backwash water-bottle 1-4, the squad decided to show up this week. Listen, I know Kenneth and he knows his football. Honestly the opponents he’s faced should be grateful that they bested him up to this week because I see big things coming forward. More to the point though, the Boswells had the foresight to play the 3-catch monster of Gabe Dave. I mean – 32.1 from your riskiest wideout pick? That’s incredible. Stacking that with the Stallion Allen is a recipe for more than just broken foldable tables. It’s a dub in the making. Amari Cooper emerged from the shadows once again, cementing his ’22 fantasy legacy as the ping from Pong. What’s more impressive is that this high total was able to weather the unfortunate storm of a Hines Heinz debacle in addition to a Brandin Cooked situation. While the Boswells emerge victorious, you can be sure that the locker room isn’t happy considering their namesake recorded a nominal ONE point. Good luck going forward!
Biggest Blowout
Southport Corridor Strawberry Samoyeds Points vs Jalen Hurts Better Be Good Or Else (58.08): The two longest team names made it. It’s the Song of Ice and Fire. What we have here is a team that barely showed up vs a team that didn’t care to look up the race venue. The Samoyeds barely crossed over the 100 threshold despite four roster considerations failing to hit 4 points. To buoy this squad, Matt enlisted the trio of Brady, Chubb, and Jefferson. I mean, this could be the cover poster of the next Ocean’s movie. The makings of a blowout, though, come from the loser. And let’s lambast the Team who roots for the NFC East. Joe had two selections that exceeded double digits. Big Man Jeff and DJ Moore. The rest of his squad stank. I won’t waste brain cells trying to itemize what he put together except to say, at least he input a roster. No participation trophies in this league though.
Closest Match:
Joc Pederson’s Pearls vs Pay Day Gray (6.38): All good things must come to an end. And thus, Andie’s team becomes undefeated in week 5. Through the previous four weeks, the Pearls were a juggernaut that you hated to see lined up against you. This week was no error. A respectable lineup of Brady, AJ Brown, Miles Sanders, and Damien Harris should notch you at least 10-a-pop. This did not manifest though. Instead, the by-line of the day went to Pay Day Gray for rostering the Longest Yard crew of Zappe, Breece, and Duvernay. This was likely a roster that Grayson hoped to survive, much less win! That being said, the Pearls needed to up their game by a slight tick in order to win.
Biggest Bust
The Pit Bull Division: This division; my division has a measly 6 wins through nearly as many weeks. Pathetic. We were saved by the Women in S.P.O.R.T.S taking a dub to have an average win per week. Some of the finest Football minds I know are in this division, yet they can’t find it within themselves to input a roster. I don’t have much to say here except “Do better”.
That’s all we got for this week! Hope all is well!
